Every self tastes death and it is only on the Day of Resurrection that you will be paid your rewards in full. Whoever is nudged away from the Fire, and admitted into Paradise, has indeed won. The worldly life is no more than the enjoyment of delusion. (3:185,  57:20)

Introduction:

In the face of so many deaths in recent months, attributed to the globally spread virus,  the subject of the spiritual heart disease –  the fear of death springs to minds. The bereavement process cannot claim a deadline or assure towards decreasing intensity of pain. Grieving is a private, unique process and  truly belong to phenomena of individual journey. It might surprise you that it starts not in the face of tragedy but rather in our moral and ethical compass, in our believe systems.

To believe in religious terms means to accept the phenomena of eternity of life, the limitless of the soul and idea of never ending experience of multidimensional life. To believe means to loose attachments to any of those stages of life and being able to reorient oneself towards the  ultimate goal - God. To believe means to engage in tasks (Amal) planning, time management, taking ones actions to self-accountability, careful calculations with one’s distributions of energy. To believe means to be prepared and see the death for it’s reality. To believe means to live every day as if it’s the last one and never look back with regrets. “Take advantage of five before five: your youth before your old age, your health before your illness, your riches before your poverty, your free time before your work, and your life before your death.”(Al Albani)

Yes, the believers mourn differently and why wouldn’t they. Making every minute count as a Amal-e-Saleh is the premise. The Quranic instructs to maintain the rights of the passing by praying for them, investing in charitable or legacy leaden projects. Therefore,  even if the person did not had a chance, knowledge or intentions (written in his/hers Rizq) to figure out what is their calling…. Even if the person did not come even close to idea of their highest self….Even if a person did not experienced level of  Ihsan, transformed their life and reconnected with the Fitrah (natural call for worshipping) ….. those who are left behind can still complete the self-actualisation journey for them. Fellow human beings can give spiritual favours such as the janazah congregation, remember them in their Duas, invest in Sadaka Jariya. Those righteous Amal- deeds surely reach deceased in another realm- Barzaq.“A Muslim man does not die while forty men pray over him, who do not associate any partners with Allah, but that Allah will accept their intercession for him.”(Muslim).

Mukminin are but an ordinary people who do experience expected emotions during the grief process. They miss the roles and functions which the departed person represented for them. The whole family structure might change, as the deceased will no longer look after us , or will no longer be there to confide in, no longer able to hold the trust and provide the security for us. The pain of loneliness probably could never be that close as at time of deaths. The inner experience of negative emotions and thoughts are sometimes more real than the day of funeral itself. We might get so hang up in our experience that we completely forget about rights of passing. In religious paradigm the reality of the grave is physical and emotional to late person. Accordingly to Islamic teaching the deceased share individually orientated emotions just like we do and are not free from fear, regrets and hope for a better days. They will say: “Woe to us! Who has raised us up from our place of sleep? [Quran 36:52]

Similarly, we are left with  the spectacle of affections: the emptiness, the fear, the anger, the disappointment and so forth.  We experience those during bereavement and observe them changing over the time in intensity but also can become surprised by their grand returns in most unexpected moments. It’s like walking wounded , breathing through pain, keeping it together for the sake of worthiness of the future. Holding on to emotional intelligence can help to transform anger with our Qadr into anger for the sake of Allah, fear of death into fear of not reaching the door of Jannat, despair into trust in Justice an hope for the Mercy of Creator for those who tried their best. The experience of losing the companion can enhance emotional transcendence into spiritual realm, when  we realise that As Shaheed and Al Wakeel was , is and will be always witnessing our life struggles and befriend us in most darkest of moments. Believing that we are never alone and at the same time never fully immune to relationship changes can bring a distancing and detachment effect. Every self tastes death and it is only on the Day of Resurrection that you will be paid your rewards in full. Whoever is nudged away from the Fire, and admitted into Paradise, has indeed won. The worldly life is no more than the enjoyment of delusion. (3:185,  57:20)

Death is creation in the end of the day. It can take versatile shapes or forms, choose any time or circumstance accordingly to Divine Orders. Death can only happen once and only in Dunya and can only free us from the physical bounds of our body.  "Do not think at all of those killed in Allah's cause as dead. Rather, they are alive; with their Lord they have their sustenance." (3: 169), Death is our destiny and serves as a reminder, a true motivator enabling us to reflect on quality of our choices , strengths and honourability of character in our making, personal abilities to invest oneself and in God-centred attitudes to worships expressed in self-growth,  time appreciation, health management, work choices , relationships maintenance and wealth distribution. But those who do good—whether male or female—and have faith will enter Paradise and will never be wronged ˹even as much as˺ the speck on a date stone.(4:124 )

Therefore a believer is going through a truly complex process in the difficulty of the bereavement. S/he is not only saying goodbye to beloved ones , but also actively gifting them a spiritual rituals, but also self managing the cycle of guilt-disassociation-depression  and  investing in their after-life whereabouts . A conscious believer is therefore able to stay true to experience of loss on emotional , spiritual and religious level.  S/he us using grieving process as purification (Taskiya) and takes self into highest levels of accountability (Tawba) and looking out for opportunities to leave meaningful legacy behind -  Sadaka Jariya…………….. before it is simply too late. “The best of what a man leaves behind are three: a righteous child who supplicates for him, ongoing charity the reward of which reaches him, and knowledge that is acted upon after him.” (Ibn Majah)

Start your own healing Journey with AJ!

Here is a quick checklist to get you started with free therapy session. Remember imperfect action beats inaction, get started and keep re investing in your growth for Khair!

• Create your vision board

• Reflect on things which you know Must Go in order for your life to change

• Start planning your therapy sessions topics by Identifying what resonates with your Heart.

• Create an outline the list of your Eternal Life goals.

• Write down the conversations you normally have with your self, like if you were telling a story to a friend

• Pick the most disturbing sentences and connect them with emotions you feeling when you hear them

• Perform several Ibadah types consciously (taddabur, dua, prayers, sadaka, fasting) and Honestly reflect on what is it you experiencing and what is it that you were hoping to experience

• Write down reasons why some of your relationships broke down and be clear on your ways about it as well

• Have a courage to name things you appreciate about your self, or are proud of - or ask you family and friends to remind you

• Take 10 minutes to edit your list and BOOK A CALL WITH AJ !