“The deen (religion) is naseehah (advice, sincerity).” We said, “To whom?” He (ﷺ) said, “To Allah ﷺ , His Book, His Messenger, and to the leaders of the Muslims and their common folk.” [Muslim]

Introduction:

Art of Nasihah plays an important role in Islamic heritage and current development of spiritual psychology. By agreement of many scholars Nasihah is recognised as a recommended remedial method for the purpose of recovery from psycho-emotional and spiritual diseases. Islamically inclined therapy performed by specialist relies on methods building God awareness, connection with one self, installing self-responsibility and self- accountability.  Openness and trust between you and the therapist can facilitate the successfully recovery from maladaptive psychological thoughts, behaviours but also sins.

Therapist working within Islamic ethos  understands that they are merely a vessel, through which a power of healing will flow if God wills it and permits it. Therefore, revealing medical and personal information in therapy is considered not only halal but also as a necessity as it  can determine successful recovery. Discussing private matters in therapy, is at all times protected under the confidentiality regiment. From that perspective, the premise of Nasihah is to guard your reputation and stop any risks of shaming, guilt-trapping and harm from reoccurring. The basic rule of concealing other peoples faults or hiding  sins is maintained if it is not done in public neither in malicious way but in safe, professional, private space and with one aim in mind – healing.  “All of my ummah will be fine except those who commit sin openly, and it is part of committing sin openly for a man to do something at night, then in the morning when his Lord has concealed him he says: O So and so, I did such and such last night, when his Lord had concealed him all night, but in the morning he discloses that which Allah ﷺ had concealed for him.” (Bukhaari, Muslim)

The common believe system preventing Muslims from seeking mental health support, is the fear that therapy consist elements of backbiting. It might feel like a serious religious dilemma for some; as on one hand we understand that we need support but, on another hand, we guard ourselves from crossing bounders of haram and halal. We have good understanding that relationships and life itself will always bring us challenges and we value the fact that a good counsellor will make it more bearable. There is something cathartic in being heard and seen and understood by another human being. It feels relieving, and safe in a sense. However, there is also a second side of the coin, and that relates to reputation, confidentiality and for most what pleases our Lord. We feel hesitations to share our feelings, thoughts and experiences with others out of fear of committing sins such as ghibah (backbiting), buhtan (slander) and namimah (malicious gossip ).

Ghibah occurs when we speak about a Muslims in their absence about sensitive or confidential things, which they would not like to be recognised for. Buhtan refers however to lying about a brother or a sister in Islam, and namimah represents a malicious intention to create a conflict between people by spreading authentic yet confidential information. “Do you know what ghibah (backbiting) is?” They said, “Allah ﷺ and His Messenger know best.” He said, “Saying something about your brother that he dislikes.” It was said, “What if what I say about my brother is true?” He said, “If what you say is true then you have backbited about him, and if it is not true, then you have slandered him.” (Muslim)

We are reminded over and over again, that as a self-conscious believer we should guard our speech and social skills in order to perfect our manners (Adab) or character (Ahlak) but for most importantly in order to avoid punishment on the Day of Judgment. The Messenger of Allah  (ﷺ)  passed by two graves and said, “They are being punished, but they are not being punished for anything that was difficult to avoid. One of them used to walk about spreading malicious gossip (namimah), and the other used not to take precautions to avoid getting urine on himself when he urinated.” Then he (ﷺ) called for a green branch, which he split in two and planted a piece on each grave, and said, “May their torment be reduced so long as these do not dry out.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

Muslims are also mindful of a religious etiquette preventing them from revealing sins of a fellow brother or sister. We believe that it is only Allah ﷺ  who has the Power and Will to conceal our faults and we consciously choose to respect those divine favours. By practicing self-restrain from gossiping, backbiting and complaining we believe that we are earning more hasanat (good deeds). “O you who have faith with their tongues but faith has not entered their hearts! Do not backbite the Muslims or seek their faults. Whoever seeks their faults, Allah ﷺ will seek his faults. And if Allah ﷺ seeks his faults, He will expose him even in the privacy of his own house.”(Abu Dāwūd). “There is no servant who conceals the faults of another servant in this worldly life, except that Allah ﷺ will conceal his faults on the Day of Resurrection.”  Whoever conceals [the faults of] a Muslim, Allah ﷺ will conceal [his faults] in this life and the Hereafter. Allah ﷺ is helping the servant as long as the servant is helping his brother(Muslim). “Whoever shames his brother for a sin will not die until he does it too.”(Trimidhi)

Those reminders , if taken literally and without a context can create an mind-set of secrecy, propagate idea of  suffering in silence or even retraumatise survivors of abusive relationships. In practice we know that reaching our for Nasisha is cathartic, so we don’t let mental health tabu to stop us from reaching out to our friends or religious authorises. It’s feels more private or holly when we open our hearts to imam or alima.  Unfortunately, if we follow this path, we will face consequences of hearing universal advice about Sabr, forgiveness and secrecy. “Whoever has wronged his brother with regard to his honour or anything else, let him seek his forgiveness today, before there will be no dinar and no dirham, and if he has any good deeds to his credit they will be taken from him in a manner commensurate with the wrong he did, and if he has no good deeds, then some of his counterpart’s bad deeds will be taken and added to his burden.” (al-Bukhari)

Confidentiality in Islam holds a high regard and is considered for not only a condition of advisory but also a moral etiquette. “There is no faith (i.e. their faith is deficient) for he who is not trustworthy…” [Ahmad]. “If a person speaks and looks around (to see if anyone is listening), it is then a trust (i.e. upon the listener not to disclose what was confided).” [Tirmidhi; Abu Dawud]. In therapeutic relationship, it is widely understood that confidentiality might be disclosed only with the informed, written consent of the client unless it is mandated by law. Both religious and professional ethics are obliging a Muslim practitioner to maintain confidentiality with small safeguarding exemptions. Those exemptions might pertain to situations when client needs to be protected against an imminent or likely risk of serious harm to self or others ( and that might include abuse of children or vulnerable adults).

If a person discloses intent to harm themselves or commit any transgression against the rights of others every Khalil is permitted, maybe even obligated, to disclose those risk as stated in hadith.  “It is not backbiting to speak against three people: a follower of whims, an obstinate sinner who publicizes his sins, and a tyrannical ruler.” (Ibn Abī Dunyā).  Scholar An Nawawi also investigated the matter of permissible Gheebah  and agreed that criticising,  complaining, identifying and warning are the very exemptions from the general rule. Complaining and seeking support or advice about authority, judge or spouse is recognised as permissible (from the oppressed person) and had been practice as early as the times of the prophet(ﷺ). Hind bint `Utba said, “O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)! Abu Sufyan is a miser and he does not give me what is sufficient for me and my children. Can I take of his property without his knowledge?” The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Take what is sufficient for you and your children, and the amount should be just and reasonable”(Bukhari).

The reality of the concealing and secrecy approach is that method of holding on to own issues is not going to guarantee the inner peace, mental clarity and emotional stability. The idea that we can deal with relationship issues by or selves is not only ineffective but also non-Islamic. Relying on support of talking therapies is not only recommended but also supported by rich clinical data in the history of  medical practice of Muslim civilisation. In fact, Nasihah, translated from Arabic as a talking therapy was raised to the ranks of sanctified lifestyle and religious necessity (Wajib) for followers of the message of Islam.  “The deen (religion) is naseehah (advice, sincerity).” We said, “To whom?” He (ﷺ) said, “To Allah ﷺ , His Book, His Messenger, and to the leaders of the Muslims and their common folk.” [Muslim]

The basic principle of Nasihah is that it requires the Ihsan, which equates to sincerity of  faith and heightened God awareness. Therefore a skill of giving advice in Islamic traditions of healing was always build on spirituality and available to both professionals (Imam, Raqi, Tabib) and commoners ( Khalil) as everyone can potentially access higher levels of God consciousness. In other words, if you are looking for Nasihahs you should never entrust the narratives of your life’s struggles into a hands of a person who is neither qualified, neither God-centred or not versed in Islamic art of Nasihah. Equally, if you give advice you should make sure that you meet Nasihah conditions such as kindness and compassion (Rahma), sincerity (Ihlas), adherence to confidentiality, provision and maintenance of safe space, professionalism but for most Akhera -centred approach and heart felt Khair- orientation. The Islamically understood counsel for “Khair” means that you always take into consideration greater good and implement techniques to raise consciousness of the eternal welfare (Akhirah). “They believe in Allah ﷺ and the Last Day, encourage good and forbid evil, and race with one another in doing good. They are truly among the righteous.” (Qur’an, 3:114).

Backbiting on the other hand, appears when you are talking behind a person’s back with intention to defame them or raise your social status. Talking about your life ‘pains’ with Islamic therapist is based on Nasiha, therefore is driven by sincerity of faith and not desires of the lower Nafs, such as suspicion, malice, jealousy or anger. The Islamic approach to talking therapy requires practitioners to be in the best state of spiritual heart (Qalb) and at the best level of their morality (Adab) before they are prepared to see and listen to you. If you are re-experiencing diffrent types of painful events in your life during therapy it should always be done in safe, trustworthy, compassionate space. Therapeutic alliance as far as Nasihah is concerned, will always bring about best in you and connect you with Allah ﷺ  at the level of Rahma, Muwada and remind you about self-responsibility to maintain healthy life style (Afiya). In our times properly performed Nasihsa is an obligation upon trained and qualified practitioners of mental health, medical professions but also religious services. You should never expect less from your psycho-spiritual guide.

Start your own healing Journey with AJ!

Here is a quick checklist to get you started with free therapy session. Remember imperfect action beats inaction, get started and keep re investing in your growth for Khair!

• Create your vision board

• Reflect on things which you know Must Go in order for your life to change

• Start planning your therapy sessions topics by Identifying what resonates with your Heart.

• Create an outline the list of your Eternal Life goals.

• Write down the conversations you normally have with your self, like if you were telling a story to a friend

• Pick the most disturbing sentences and connect them with emotions you feeling when you hear them

• Perform several Ibadah types consciously (taddabur, dua, prayers, sadaka, fasting) and Honestly reflect on what is it you experiencing and what is it that you were hoping to experience

• Write down reasons why some of your relationships broke down and be clear on your ways about it as well

• Have a courage to name things you appreciate about your self, or are proud of - or ask you family and friends to remind you

• Take 10 minutes to edit your list and BOOK A CALL WITH AJ !