“I am present in my servant’s thought of Me, and I am with him when he remembers me. If he approaches Me by a hand’s breath, I draw near to him by an arm’s length, and if he draws near to Me by an arm’s length, I draw to him by a fathom. If he comes to Me walking, I come to him running”(Muslim).

Introduction:

Spiritual bypassing happens to you at a Soul level. And that is why , you are not going to be aware of it, until someone will point it out for you. Most likely you are developed up till the stage of Nafs al Lawwammah and you delude yourself that ‘this is how it feels to be at Nafs Al Mutmaina'. You divulge in prayers, reading Quran and memorising Names of Allah (swt).h content regularly.

I am present in my servant’s thought of Me, and I am with him when he remembers me. If he approaches Me by a hand’s breath, I draw near to him by an arm’s length, and if he draws near to Me by an arm’s length, I draw to him by a fathom. If he comes to Me walking, I come to him running”(Muslim).

Your Tadabbur and contemplation on miracles of the Divine brings you comfort and feel good factor, however deep down inside you are still hurting.This pain and hurt in you are so unbearable in fact that the only escape you can think of is returning to Him. And that would have been fine, as every hardship should eventually bring us to our Lord. However, you are missing the important ingredient which is your own reality. In psychology it is called self-realisation and in Islamic spiritual growth it this moment in life is called Amanah.

The responsibility aspect for our own wellness and health equates to the pivotal ingredient on our journey towards letting go but also spiritual advancing our alliance with God. It’s understanding that this process of struggling is not designed in your Qadr for the sake of punishment but rather it is an invitation to change.

If you bypass the stage of self-reflection and self-awakening you will always be stuck and come back to the same issues of pain in your life. The discomfort and lack of courage of facing inner unresolved issues often results  in repressions,  disassociations or distractions on emotional levels. No wonder you might be tempted to skip through it. You might choose to concentrate on the religion and seek refuge in prayers as see it as means of finding inner peace. However underneath those spiritual uplifts there are hidden psychological issues.

Such emotional detachments from your processing can also develop in re-traumatisation or self-victimisation tendencies. The spiritual bypassing, in that context is just another psychological coping mechanism just like food addictions, workaholism or substances abuse could be.

Our self-defensive mechanism is initially activated by the limbic brain , which is able to recognise situations of distress or trauma and address it with reaction of fight, flight or fright.  The spiritual aspects of defensive mechanisms are not much different either, and can lead you further to emotional and spiritual self-silencing. Tradition of prophet (ﷺ ) does not encourage to self-deception or emotional suppression.

Abdur Rahman bin ‘Auf  upon seeing Allah’s Messenger(ﷺ), started shedding tears over his son’s Ibrahim death said, “O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ),, even you are weeping!” He (ﷺ),  said, “O Ibn ‘Auf, this is mercy”. Then he (ﷺ),  wept more and said, “The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord. O Ibrahim! Indeed, we are grieved by your separation”(Bukhari).

Emotional expression therefore is encouraged by Sunnah, and is  seen as a natural process of recovery. Suppression of  inner problems  is discouraged, because it can turn into spiritual diseases of the Qalb. In other words, it can lead you towards  a superficial religiousness expressed as self-righteousness ( judgments, backbiting) or self-entitlements ( pride, showing off).

You will know that you are affected by spiritual bypassing, because you will speak freely about your reflections about relationships, and link them with Qadr of Allah (swt) in an underlying theme of injustice. However what you will not be prepared to explore is your frustration, anger, disappointment, humiliation, loss, despair.

The period  of growth through the Al Lawwammah necessitates experiences of spiritual and moral awakening, and is rich in experiences of  self-honesty ,  accountability, owning your flaws and acceptance of the unbearable hurts.  God might be your refuge but also you need to face him with your full-self, because only then this relationships is Real and True.

“And surely, We shall try you till We know those of you who strive hard (for the Cause of Allah) and the patient ones; and We shall test your record (i.e. the one who is a hypocrite; and the one who is truthful)"  (Quran, 47: 31).

Start your own healing Journey with AJ!

Here is a quick checklist to get you started with free therapy session. Remember imperfect action beats inaction, get started and keep re investing in your growth for Khair!

• Create your vision board

• Reflect on things which you know Must Go in order for your life to change

• Start planning your therapy sessions topics by Identifying what resonates with your Heart.

• Create an outline the list of your Eternal Life goals.

• Write down the conversations you normally have with your self, like if you were telling a story to a friend

• Pick the most disturbing sentences and connect them with emotions you feeling when you hear them

• Perform several Ibadah types consciously (taddabur, dua, prayers, sadaka, fasting) and Honestly reflect on what is it you experiencing and what is it that you were hoping to experience

• Write down reasons why some of your relationships broke down and be clear on your ways about it as well

• Have a courage to name things you appreciate about your self, or are proud of - or ask you family and friends to remind you

• Take 10 minutes to edit your list and BOOK A CALL WITH AJ !